Im so tired rn.

Chat i may be going a little insane here ngl , ive been wanting to start raw dogging life again , like i used to years ago, no drugs no prescription no nothing , just to see what it was like . Cause am i really me if my thoughts and actions are being altered by substances independently of them being prescribed, why am i even supposed to take em you know? Cause society told me "you oughta be normal or else" , like you know what i mean , but like idk its whatever i guess. I miss feeling stuff. or something. Idk now i kinda just feel either neutral , down or UNFATHOMABLY ANGRY , though that last one is like allways there in the background. soooooo , yeah , maybe mood stabilizers dont sound so bad,i should try em out ngl. Im like really tired and really uhhh , whatever its called when you dont care about nothing, anhedonic i guess , uhh i still got work im supposed to be doing but like i dont really care enough to care about the work , so ... yeah. idk. i wish i didnt have heart problems so i could do all the drugs in the world , by that i meen weed. and meth maybe , i like stimulants. i think , or maybe im just addicted to my ADHD prescription, whatever doesnt matter. UGHHHHHH i feel like shit. At least i got friends i guess. and i got that gayming pc , but like idk i dont even find gayming that fun anymore , again. For like the third time this year. but whatevs . i wanna kill god. too bad they dont exist. Or is it that i am god. But nah id never kill myself . I do wish to curbstomp a nazi some day. anyways bye or smth idk.